update

May. 16th, 2013 07:59 am
tree_talking: (Default)
Starting counseling on the 28th. If all goes well, should be every other Tuesday. I kind of wish it was sooner. I feel like I've got poison inside me and counseling is the only way I can drain it out.

Frankly, I'm surprised I'm still getting out of bed in the morning. I have gotten up almost every morning thinking "I can't do this anymore" for as long as I can remember. But somehow, I just keep doing it, smiling and acting fine most days.

I really wish I could stay in bed. I don't want to deal with the world today. Most days.
tree_talking: (nyanko chips by creamiiicandy)
So shit happened on Sunday that I really don’t want to discuss. I wasn’t involved except that my husband and brother were involved and pretty much…said some horrible things and hubby is pretty upset, and I’m pretty upset.

It brought some issues to the front that we usually don’t deal with, and the upshot of all of this is that we’re each going to start therapy in the next couple of weeks. I still have to call—I’m scared. But I’m more scared not to do it. I’ve known that I need to do this for a long time, several years, but I’ve been fighting it because My Family is From New England and We Ignore Shit till it’s too late. We are Stoic New Englanders (insert stereotype here). I have trouble asking for help and hate to admit weakness.

I’m tired of fighting my need for this. I’m tired of trying to do it on my own. I thought I had this conquered but nope. Going to try and unravel the crapola that has run through my life is going to be difficult…I hope it’ll be worth it.

May 2017

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