May. 16th, 2013 07:59 am
tree_talking: (Default)
Starting counseling on the 28th. If all goes well, should be every other Tuesday. I kind of wish it was sooner. I feel like I've got poison inside me and counseling is the only way I can drain it out.

Frankly, I'm surprised I'm still getting out of bed in the morning. I have gotten up almost every morning thinking "I can't do this anymore" for as long as I can remember. But somehow, I just keep doing it, smiling and acting fine most days.

I really wish I could stay in bed. I don't want to deal with the world today. Most days.
tree_talking: (my only hope)
Ugh, everything is causing me anxiety right now. EVERYTHING. I just read something about the Hunger Games movie which I'm not even really that invested in. And *bam* anxiety. What the hell?

not to mention that I have a blazing case of the sads. And it's not just about Dad's passing. I swear to god it's everything from the PAST 12 YEARS REARING ITS UGLY HEAD. I swing from being okay, to being a basketcase, to wanting to cry so hard I lose my voice.

I'm so fucking tired.

I've got so much work at work to do and so much work at HOME to do and I just...can't. Anxiety makes me freeze. I go from being full of dread to being okay. I want everyone to stay the fuck away from me...and I also want someone to take care of me. Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't been picking at my skin or pulling out my hair more. Not that I'm complaining about that...

I'm just glad I front well.

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